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Dear Dakota, I
need to aks you a Thanks
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Dear Dakota, My owner always makes me ride in a crate whenever we go anywhere. It's barely big enough for me to turn around in and it's cramping my style. I'd rather ride up front and hang my head out the window. How can I convince him to get rid of the "dog box" ? Smokey |
 Smokey,If I didn't know better, I'd say you were nothing but a spoiled mascot! C'mon Smokey -- KENNEL
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Dear Dakota, My family members always brag about how smart I am. They make me do all kinds of tricks to show off - I have to shake hands, play dead, roll over, and my favorite is balancing the milk bone on my nose. What makes them think that I have to impress people with my intelligence? Goldie |
| Goldie, Geez - I don't know. Why just the other day I was
playing my owner in a game of checkers when his friend came in and started ranting and
raving about me being some kind of genious. Well, I'm not OK ... I lose 2 out of
3.
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Dear Dakota, I'm
a retriever that loves to hunt doves. Problem is that my master constantly makes me
look for birds that he's convinced are down. He ain't that good a
shot!
Buck |
| Buck, Been there, done that and I've got the T-shirt. Here's what you do. Next time widen your concentric circles more than usual until you can get close to the next guy's blind (chances are he's got him over there hunting for it too). Then while no one's watching snatch a bird from that hunter's pile and take it to your owner. Be sure to sit at heel and deliver the bird to hand. This does two things: first it makes you look like you can find a bird under the most difficult of conditions and secondly, it makes him look like he's a better shot than he is. Hey, it's a win - win situation.
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Dear Dakota, I can't stand it when my master shoots a gun - it scares me to death. How can I tell my owner that I don't want to go hunting if he's gonna shoot that loud gun. I mean can't we just take walks or "shoot" the ducks with a camera? Jack
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| Jack, You're kidding - right?
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Dear Dakota, I don't believe in hunting and I can not believe that as a woman you would allow yourself to be exploited like that. I would never allow that to happen to me. My nails would never be able to take the abuse and my coiffure - Oh, the thought of my beautiful hair getting all tangled is positively frightful. How can you kill those beautiful ducks and geese? Their feathers are so pretty - you ought to be ashamed of yourself.
Fifi
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| Bitch !
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Dear Dakota, How do you keep the burrs
out of your hair ? Seems like every time I go hunting anymore, I come back with a
mess of burrs. Prince |
| Prince, Simple - next time you're sent in to retrive a bird from the briars, limp around and act like you've got a thorn in your paw. Make the guy with the chaps get in there and get it. Do
that for a while and I guarantee -
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Dear Dakota, My
nextdoor neighbor is a really obnoxious mutt! He gets to go everywhere and he's all
the time rubbing it in. He goes to the lake fishing, he goes on walks, heck he even
gets to go in that store that hands out dog biscuits! But yesterday was the last
straw - he was wagging his tail at me from his car and yelling, "Ha, Ha, Ha I'm going
to the store and then I'm going to the vet to get tutored". What
nerve! I'd like to get a medical education too. |
| Buddy, Lay Low ... and don't look em in the eye !  --D |
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Dear Dakota, My
yard-mate is very inconsiderate. She's ... uhmm ... a Golden Retriever, yeah that's
right, a Golden Retriever. She always shoves herself through the gate first whenever
we go anywhere, and she constantly tries to steal my food. It's "me, me,
me" all the time with you, I mean her! When we go on walks, she won't heal and
it gets me in trouble. And, I can't even have my own doghouse to myself - she
has to squeeze her big butt into mine and it shoves me against the wall. |
| Duster, Ah, you're just a cry baby! Maybe you need to think about her needs. By the way, you look awfully familiar - do I know you? --D |
